Sports"Chloe, do something!"
My mind comes rushing back to the stuffy sports hall
My class are staring at me expectantly.
I look at the old, dull basketball at my feet,
And half-heartedly throw it
Out of court.
I hear a chorus of 'boos'
"Nice one, loser"
"Gee, what a throw"
Sarcastic comments are hurled at me as the other girls run past,
Their long, tanned legs barely covered by the regulation PE shorts.
I look down my pale, thin and bruised knees.
At least I'm small enough
For the shorts to cover the trail of cuts
On my thigh.
I retreat back into the corner of the court
Waiting for the bell to ring,
And send me to an hour of maths.
As I walk out of the changing rooms,
I hear cackles behind me:
"Can't even throw a ball"
"I don't think she's ever made eye contact, like, ever!"
I run away with tears pouring down my cheeks.
Holding a pack of gauze
To the line of
Running down my arm,
I replay the sounds I heard
During sports class.
The voices change,
For a way
To tell you
That I love you
I know it's odd
All these years
As I look into your eyes
I see my life
A life with you
And I can't wait to share it
I love you
I have always loved you
And I will love you forever
Please tell me that you
That you'll take care of me
That you'll never let anything hurt me
The razor lays lifeless in my hand
Not a sound
doesn't love me
FamilyCan you remember the night when we first met?
It was freezing. And dark too, but you could still see me, crouching on the pavement underneath the broken street-lamp.
I was crying, do you remember that? How you came up to me, a stranger, and you gave me your new hoodie. And a hug.
You wiped away my tears
And you asked me why I was so sad.
I told you everything, my whole life story. All my pains, all my insecurities, all the things that eat away at my insides until I'm hollow.
You kissed me, when I stopped talking. It was so soft, so gentle. You gave me your number, and told me to call you if I ever felt like crying again.
And I did.
A few saturdays later.
Do you remember?
We went to pizza hut, in town. I wanted to order a salad, but you told me I was perfect.
It was sunny that day, so warm and cosy. Especially with you.
We spent 6 hours together, lying on the grass, then we had to part.
But do you remeber all the other times?
When we danced in your room to My Chemical Romance
Until we p
everything is a threat.
My coat flung over the chair
is a man slouched,
waiting for me to wake
The pile of clothes in the corner
is a murderer crouching in the dark
waiting for me to sleep
The sound of cars outside the window
is a single car
for my light to turn on
The creak outside my room
Is a rapist
about to push the door open
The wardrobe is a monster
The shelves contain guns
The mirror is staring at me
The rug is a hole in the floor
waiting to swallow me up
I wish I wasn't so afraid all the time
I wish I could sleep
But I can't,
So I wait
For the darkness
Drive"Are we nearly there yet?" Michael asks
His head pounding
His eyes closing
The parents sigh
Their minds on the map,
The road ahead
The pressure to reach home before nightfall.
His eyes rest on the falling droplets on the window where he rests his head.
The cars behind
Blow their horns
Preventing Michael from falling into the
In which he is so familiar.
The cars beside theirs,
Identically stranded on the motorway
Each provide a different story,
A different life
A different past and future.
Michael's eyes wander into each of the square windows
Drinking in the wonders
Of Human Life.
A young woman,
Rests her eyes in the daily jam
On her way home from work.
A teenage girl
Her father at the wheel
Listens to her white Ipod classic
Her arm against the window
A man laughs on his headset
An old woman
With the bags under her eyes.
So many lives
So many stories
He rubs his eyes
Trouble LurkingI look through the greasy windows of a small, out-of-town diner, full of middle-aged lorry drivers working the night shift. They are tired, lonely, a pain to look at. But the image of the creature serving them coffee is suffice to endure the sight.
She is small, and young, with a tiny figure. Her large brown eyes carry hope and eagerness, and the corners of her mouth are upturned as her customers bluntly ask for a refill.
These minute details help me to build a vague idea of her story. I'm thinking...
New to the area. She works nights so she can use her days for auditions and rehearsals.
I sigh at the stereotype.
As the dim light flashes against the shine of her hair when her head turns, my heart leaps. The red strands are long and soft, aching to be stroked.
I bite my lip and resist the urge to push open the double doors and step onto the cheap, green linoleum tiles.
The seconds tick by like hours, until she retreats back into the kitchen. I finally let out the breath I have been hold
PleasePlease, somebody notice i'm drowning in a ocean of my own emotion
Please, somebody notice the silence swallowing me up once more
Please, somebody notice, i hate myself with all my heart
Why won't anybody see that i am slowly dissolving away
It doesn't matter
I'm not worth saving
I am a failure through and through
I am so tired of hating myself
I am so tired of nobody seeing what is happening to me
My only friend is the razor that bites into my skin
Maybe next time i'll cut deeper
Maybe next time, i won't survive
So much blood everywhere
Paint the walls with it
Everybody look at my art
Isn't it beautiful
I need more paint, more blood
I must cut deeper
Through sinew and muscle
Here the moon whisper sweet nothings in my ear as i silently slip away into the darkness
Here comes death on skeleton wings spread high
Optimistically PessimisticThere's broken
Then there's shattered to the core
There's saying I don't care
Or I don't love you anymore
And theres frustratingly out of reach
There are lessons left to learn
But those lessons they'll never teach
There are promises
Then there are hollow and empty lies
There are moments that you treasure
And moments you want to die
And there's tired of going on
There is waiting for forever
But forever will never come...
Stay strong..Staying strong is what i can do
even though i feel weak on the inside
and cant even move
Staying strong is what meant to be
down this darkness i am living in
No where to go
no where to go
except for the tears falling
so i keep staying strong
and trying to believe
that there will be light at the end of the tunnel
But being strong isnt worth it
because im starting to feel weak
eveywhere inside and outside
but i keep staying strong
until i start to fall to the ground
Wanting to cut every inch of my skin
to watch the blood pour down
it fascinates me all the time
and maybe one day
i will leave this world
With no hope in the end
i still keep staying strong
but i feel a lot weaker now
and dont know what to do
but i will keep staying strong
After all that what i was born to do...
The Bracelet ProjectI saw this on tumblr... I thought I'd share it with all of you.
“The Bracelet Project.
Each disorder has a color that corresponds to it.
Anorexia is Red.
Bulimia is Purple.
EDNOS is Pink.
Depression is blue.
Self harm is Orange or Black.
Fasting at the time is Green.
Suicidal is Yellow.
Overweight/Obese is Turquoise.
Anxiety/Panic disorder/OCD is Teal.
Adding 1 white bead means you’re trying to recover.
If your bracelet is half of the color that your disease is and half white it means you’re in recovery.
You can also make the strand the main disorder you have then add beads to your lesser disorders, or if you have EDNOS, if you have more anorexic or bulimic tendencies then you can add a red or purple bead.
If you see a girl in public wearing one, you are supposed to make eye contact and point to your bracelet. If she nods then you know she is part of the bracelet project.
Spread awareness about the bracelet project.”
mine is blue, with a red, pink, black and
I step out into the road,
Hear a screech of tyres,
I'm told I'm lucky to be alive,
I tell them all they're liars.
Laying alone on a hospital bed,
They tell me the cancer hasn't spread,
They tell me I'm lucky to be alive,
I tell them I never want to survive.
I'm told they got here just in time,
But the overdose was a plan of mine,
They say one more hour and I'd be dead,
Couldn't they leave me alone instead?