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Sports"Chloe, do something!"
My mind comes rushing back to the stuffy sports hall
My class are staring at me expectantly.
I look at the old, dull basketball at my feet,
And half-heartedly throw it
Out of court.
I hear a chorus of 'boos'
"Nice one, loser"
"Gee, what a throw"
Sarcastic comments are hurled at me as the other girls run past,
Their long, tanned legs barely covered by the regulation PE shorts.
I look down my pale, thin and bruised knees.
At least I'm small enough
For the shorts to cover the trail of cuts
On my thigh.
I retreat back into the corner of the court
Waiting for the bell to ring,
And send me to an hour of maths.
As I walk out of the changing rooms,
I hear cackles behind me:
"Can't even throw a ball"
"I don't think she's ever made eye contact, like, ever!"
I run away with tears pouring down my cheeks.
Holding a pack of gauze
To the line of
Running down my arm,
I replay the sounds I heard
During sports class.
The voices change,
Can You Hear Me?"I want it to end. The suffering, the pain, the weariness, just everything.
I want to stop feeling like a knife has been dug into my chest, and is being twisted with every insult, being pushed in deeper with every insecurity and doubt.
I want to stop crying. Just, for one day, to not have to sit with tears pouring down my cheeks, with my arms wrapped round myself, slowly rocking.
I want to stop panicking. To stop feeling like the oxygen has left the room, leaving me gasping for breath and lifeless. Like I'm drowning on dry land, my throat closes over, and my thoughts go at a million miles an hour. Worries and obsessions fire through my brain like bullets, sometimes for hours, sinking deeper and deeper into the water.
I want to be able to sleep. To be able to actually wake up in the morning and think 'I'm going to shine today. I'm going to laugh and smile without faking, and not have to pretend that I'm fine. Today is my day.'
To be able to get through a whole day without nearly faintin
everything is a threat.
My coat flung over the chair
is a man slouched,
waiting for me to wake
The pile of clothes in the corner
is a murderer crouching in the dark
waiting for me to sleep
The sound of cars outside the window
is a single car
for my light to turn on
The creak outside my room
Is a rapist
about to push the door open
The wardrobe is a monster
The shelves contain guns
The mirror is staring at me
The rug is a hole in the floor
waiting to swallow me up
I wish I wasn't so afraid all the time
I wish I could sleep
But I can't,
So I wait
For the darkness
There's a part of my soul
That wasn't born with me.
That tiny corner,
The fraction of my being that
Needs to be put into place.
It's up there.
I can feel it,
I can hear it.
I can see it at night
When it's quiet
That lonely hour when
I can see myself up there.
It's telling me to come.
To join it
And I want to.
So, so badly
Call me crazy
I don't care.
But it's watching me
It guides me through the day
Helps me to be perfect.
It tells me when I'm wrong.
That If I want to be up there,
Be in the stars
I must be perfect.
And I will be
I will be ready.
The voices are getting louder.
When the time comes,
I will be prepared.
Like a star.
When the time comes,
Will help me over the edge.
Gently push me through
That will complete
For a way
To tell you
That I love you
I know it's odd
All these years
As I look into your eyes
I see my life
A life with you
And I can't wait to share it
I love you
I have always loved you
And I will love you forever
Please tell me that you
That you'll take care of me
That you'll never let anything hurt me
The razor lays lifeless in my hand
Not a sound
doesn't love me
FamilyCan you remember the night when we first met?
It was freezing. And dark too, but you could still see me, crouching on the pavement underneath the broken street-lamp.
I was crying, do you remember that? How you came up to me, a stranger, and you gave me your new hoodie. And a hug.
You wiped away my tears
And you asked me why I was so sad.
I told you everything, my whole life story. All my pains, all my insecurities, all the things that eat away at my insides until I'm hollow.
You kissed me, when I stopped talking. It was so soft, so gentle. You gave me your number, and told me to call you if I ever felt like crying again.
And I did.
A few saturdays later.
Do you remember?
We went to pizza hut, in town. I wanted to order a salad, but you told me I was perfect.
It was sunny that day, so warm and cosy. Especially with you.
We spent 6 hours together, lying on the grass, then we had to part.
But do you remeber all the other times?
When we danced in your room to My Chemical Romance
Until we p
Drive"Are we nearly there yet?" Michael asks
His head pounding
His eyes closing
The parents sigh
Their minds on the map,
The road ahead
The pressure to reach home before nightfall.
His eyes rest on the falling droplets on the window where he rests his head.
The cars behind
Blow their horns
Preventing Michael from falling into the
In which he is so familiar.
The cars beside theirs,
Identically stranded on the motorway
Each provide a different story,
A different life
A different past and future.
Michael's eyes wander into each of the square windows
Drinking in the wonders
Of Human Life.
A young woman,
Rests her eyes in the daily jam
On her way home from work.
A teenage girl
Her father at the wheel
Listens to her white Ipod classic
Her arm against the window
A man laughs on his headset
An old woman
With the bags under her eyes.
So many lives
So many stories
He rubs his eyes
The Bracelet ProjectI saw this on tumblr... I thought I'd share it with all of you.
“The Bracelet Project.
Each disorder has a color that corresponds to it.
Anorexia is Red.
Bulimia is Purple.
EDNOS is Pink.
Depression is blue.
Self harm is Orange or Black.
Fasting at the time is Green.
Suicidal is Yellow.
Overweight/Obese is Turquoise.
Anxiety/Panic disorder/OCD is Teal.
Adding 1 white bead means you’re trying to recover.
If your bracelet is half of the color that your disease is and half white it means you’re in recovery.
You can also make the strand the main disorder you have then add beads to your lesser disorders, or if you have EDNOS, if you have more anorexic or bulimic tendencies then you can add a red or purple bead.
If you see a girl in public wearing one, you are supposed to make eye contact and point to your bracelet. If she nods then you know she is part of the bracelet project.
Spread awareness about the bracelet project.”
mine is blue, with a red, pink, black and
I step out into the road,
Hear a screech of tyres,
I'm told I'm lucky to be alive,
I tell them all they're liars.
Laying alone on a hospital bed,
They tell me the cancer hasn't spread,
They tell me I'm lucky to be alive,
I tell them I never want to survive.
I'm told they got here just in time,
But the overdose was a plan of mine,
They say one more hour and I'd be dead,
Couldn't they leave me alone instead?
Keep in Touch!
Lilyas has dedicated herself to making our community a brighter place with her vibrant artwork and infectious enthusiasm for interacting with others in our community. It has certainly paid off, as many deviants flock to her page on a daily basis to let her know how much of an inspiration she is. We absolutely agree, and couldn't let all that hard work go without recognition, so it's with great pride that we bestow the Deviousness Award for March 2014, to ... Read More